I'm killing Oprah, fucking Ellen and marrying Rosie. Just cause I marry a whale doesn't mean I have to bang her.
Another thing to dwell upon:
Would you rather have cheeto fingers (fingers covered in the orange dust from eating cheetos) forever, or diarrhea for 5 straight hours.
To reward actually reading this blog because I put about 2 minutes into it...
All the qualities my next girlfriend should have...plus doing my laundry.